I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
