all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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