Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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