Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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