Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
he just fucked me for my cheese.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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