i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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