So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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