I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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