first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
