I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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