I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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