I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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