I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
As shirtless as possible
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
