I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
