So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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