i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
