I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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