using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
