At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
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