You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
