this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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