Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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