Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
