Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
