I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
