hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
