You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
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Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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