and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
