hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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