Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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