he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
that's an acceptable place to lick
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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