i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
