my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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