he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
