this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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