Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
