She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
