i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
