my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
