i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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