I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
