I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She bit a glass in half.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
