you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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