There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
