GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
