Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
