he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
