Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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