3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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