I got chris browned last night
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
