Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
