I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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