Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
