I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
