umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
