I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
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If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
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Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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