I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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