what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
pop tarts are not kleenex
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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