Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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