is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Im part way to drunk.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
