Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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