i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
