Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
