I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
should my penis look like a turkey
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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