I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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