You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
