We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
